Anger is a natural, normal emotion. It is healthy. However, if anger is not directing you toward wisdom and understanding, it is taking you away from them. Therefore, knowing when to control, redirect, or even defuse your anger is vital.
Understanding your emotions, especially anger, is crucial for spiritual growth and healing journeys. Therefore, identifying anger triggers and its symptoms is essential because they interfere with our ability to think clearly, be productive, and be happy. Anger is triggered by situations in which we feel personally hurt or situations in which we feel powerless to bring about change.
But what if we had all the power to control the change without realizing it?
The Trigger
I got into an argument with my fiancé today. He said something about me needing to learn Hindi, which is no new subject. Lately, I have been building my website and writing posts for it so I can start earning money from it. Also, I have constantly been applying to jobs, taking on countless day and night interviews. Not only that, but I have been trying to keep the house in a decent shape, laundry is done, floors clean, kitchen in order and all. But I haven’t been keeping up with everything well.
I was hurt; I had been working hard at everything just to be told I wasn’t doing enough. “When did you expect me to learn Hindi in the past week?” I asked. “every day,” was his response. This was just the beginning.
I went inside to be alone for a bit and ended up crying. Then he came to get me so he could take me home. During the ride home, I asked him if he thought I wasn’t trying, which turned into him saying I ruined the morning because I got upset.
Before I got off the bike and he went to do his responsibilities for the day, I told him he didn’t deserve me. So I went inside, crying and wallowing in self-pity for a bit. Then, I scrolled on social media and found a post that said:
“The way someone treats you is a statement of who they are as a person. It’s not a statement about you.”
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Understanding the Root Cause
I sat with that statement for a while before getting off the bed to shower. I felt disrespected by his actions, but this was a feeling of mine, not his. Which meant there was a more profound truth to it within me. While bathing, I thought even more about this statement, and the list became longer and longer.
The initial Pain
When I was clean and dry, I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote two column headings, angry about, and the truth. The angry about section came quickly to me; here’s what I wrote.
- Lazy
- Pessimistic
- Disrespectful
- Cannot depend on
- Messy
- Gross/dirty
- Doesn’t listen
- Holds grudges
- Narcissistic
- Blames others
- Irresponsible
- Not a partner
- Hot-headed
- Emotional
- Shuts down
- Unresponsive
- Defensive
- Aggressive
- Outcast
The Good Aspects I Love
Then I thought it would be best to add some good aspects about him that I find extraordinary. So I wrote:
- Funny
- Loveable
- Caring
- Strong
- Independent
A New Perspective
Then I had to look at myself with unbiased eyes to come up with the truth. The truth about not him per se, but if these thoughts weren’t about him, they were things I didn’t like about myself.
- Lazy -> trying to do everything at once
- Pessimistic -> has high expectations
- Disrespectful -> I don’t respect others
- Cannot depend on -> has a lot on plate/to-do list
- Messy -> preoccupied
- Gross/dirty -> puts his/myself last
- Doesn’t listen -> passionate about his/my-self point of view
- Holds grudges -> doesn’t know how to forgive/let things go
- Narcissistic -> has only had his/my-self to depend on
- Blames others -> emotional
- Irresponsible -> lack of time management
- Not a partner -> can only rely on his/my-self
- Hot-headed -> passionate about views
- Emotional -> in touch with emotional self
- Shuts down -> afraid to let people in
- Unresponsive -> spontaneous/unpredictable
- Defensive -> afraid to let people in
- Aggressive -> passionate about stance
- Outcast -> doesn’t know how to fit in
- Funny -> likes to have fun
- Loveable -> sweet/kind-hearted
- Caring -> puts others’ needs first
- Strong -> doesn’t let people push around
- Independent -> doesn’t need others to enjoy life
Digging In Deeper
I looked over my list to find the repeats.
- Taking on everything at once
- Passionate about self
- Allows self to feel emotions
- Self-reliant
- Afraid to let people in
It was true; I had only been able to rely on myself for a long time. Because everyone hurt me, I didn’t want to let people in anymore, which is more than likely exactly how he was feeling.
Releasing the Negative Energy
I read my list and did EFT tapping to release the pent-up energy I was holding on to. Then I closed my eyes and covered my heart, allowing myself to meditate, return to my center, and reclaim my power. In my meditative state, I asked my guides to help me strip away the things that came up for me today, even if I didn’t write them down. They quickly went to work.
They counted down from three and told me to snap my fingers when they were done. I did so. They did it again. I snapped again. They did it another time. I snapped a third time. They then told me to say, “I am worthy,” then snap my fingers. I did it three times. Again, they said. I did it again. Again, they said, and again I affirmed and then snapped. “Open your eyes,” to write, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1.”
My eyes opened, and immediately I opened my laptop, but my eyes were drawn to my tarot deck. Last night they said they would have a message for me, and I could feel that was the time to get it. I didn’t shuffle the deck. Instead, I stuck a finger in it while still in the box, grabbing a few cards. They told me I needed to dig deep to the issue’s core, not just braising the surface.
The Root Trigger
I closed my eyes again and asked to be shown the core. A smaller version of me just screamed, “NO!” Then I had a flashback of when my siblings and I were celebrating someone’s birthday, Elizabeth’s perhaps, but I am 100% not sure.
It was one of the only times I remember we invited people to my mom’s house for cake and a birthday party. We usually just celebrated with family. My mom left the room for a while, and we were all sitting at the table eating cake. Some kids were making a mess, eating with their hands, or smashing their faces into the cake. But everyone was laughing; we were having a good time.
I watched everyone else do it; then I decided to join in. I smashed my face into my piece of cake right as my mom walked back into the room. I got in so much trouble; she said I was being disrespectful because she worked hard to put that birthday together. I told her it was okay, everyone else was doing it, and we were having fun.
She slapped me across my face and told me to never talk back to her again; well…she said, “don’t you dare talk back to me.” I was then sent upstairs to my room, unable to enjoy the rest of the part because I was being punished for being disrespectful.
I’m scared to have fun, I realized. It’s not safe for me to have fun because I am always punished when I do. I quickly did another EFT tapping session, saying anything that came to mind. My eyes released gallons of salty tears before telling myself it was okay now to have fun. Before, I thought I had to choose between being fun and irresponsible or being responsible and hating my life. There was a third option I didn’t know I could take, having fun, being responsible, and enjoying my life.
Conclusion
We all feel angry sometimes, or frustrated, or even betrayed. I understand that the best way to understand our spiritual growth and development cycle is to embrace the feelings and emotions that arise. Like, in this case, getting angry when triggered and learning from the emotion raised by understanding the root triggers of our anger.
When we allow ourselves to feel the emotions that rise, we can understand the root triggers that bring them on and take steps to prevent them from happening again. Sometimes the best thing we can do for our spiritual growth is to get angry and learn from the emotion raised by understanding the root triggers. Understanding the roots on a deep level allows us to process the feeling healthily and to come up with action-based steps we can take to improve our situation in the future.
“The path of spiritual growth is a path of lifelong learning.”
M. Scott Peck
Need a Personalized Article?
If you’re stuck in a particular phase of your spiritual growth and development path, or if you need some assistance moving forward, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I’d be happy to write about whatever you’d like to talk about, and I’ll do my best to provide a unique viewpoint on whatever your problems or questions are. This is another way I can assist you on your path, and I eagerly await the opportunity.
