I have the pleasure of witnessing a lot of growth in my line of work. For example, yesterday, one of my dear friends and I were supposed to attend a concert together, but she left about 20 minutes into the opening act because of anxiety issues. After she left, she felt terrible about going and beat herself up because she said she knew she needed to stay, but she just couldn’t. I think many people feel this way, especially when they’re out of their comfort zone, but she actually made the perfect decision for herself rather than the wrong one and was beating herself up for no reason.
Here’s why…
She had a very rough past six months. During that time, she overdosed, went to rehab, was released, decided to do better, slipped up, then realized she wanted to do much better and was going to live a clean lifestyle because her slipping up was a mistake. She learned this stuff on her own. She committed herself to growth and development by doing this and coming to these realizations. To begin with, she is from a tiny town so big crowds give her anxiety, which I understand entirely being from a small town myself.
This time was different, though. This time she didn’t have any drugs or alcohol to lean on as a crutch and curb her anxiety; she was completely sober. Sometimes we have to “mess up” a little in order to understand the direction we want to take. Like when she slipped up and had a drink, she knew she didn’t like it and didn’t want to continue down that path afterward. The same happened to me when I stopped smoking as well, I told myself weed wasn’t a drug, but after not smoking for a few months and then smoking a little bit, I could immediately tell the difference in how my brain and body reacted to it. It wasn’t soothing like it was before I quit; it was uncomfortable.
“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.”
Mary Tyler Moore
One thing I talk about with all of my clients is the fear that strikes you at the edge of your comfort zone when you need to push a little further to make it through. By both staying and leaving, she pushed through her comfort zone. There was no wrong decision she could have made for her path because, with both, she would have and did grow. If she had stayed, that fear, I’m sure, would have subsided after the first hour. I know she felt like she stuck out like a sore thumb because if you were to look at the two of us and everyone else who attended, we were different. That’s okay, though, I felt extremely out of place too at first, but I went through my own internal battle while I was there. It was my destiny to stay and hers to leave.
When she left, she went to talk to her very close cousin. She cried and really felt all of the emotions and feelings that needed to be acknowledged at that time. She released those things that weren’t serving her, I guarantee you next time she’ll stay because she left yesterday. She’ll feel more confident feeling out of place and hopefully understand her place is wherever she belongs. She didn’t go lean on her old crutch. Instead, she continued on her unfolding path with strength, and for that, I commend her.
This is how you don’t make any wrong decisions for yourself, it’s your path, and you take each situation the best way you possibly can at the time with all of the knowledge given to you. As she works through different feelings and emotions, she’ll completely heal her old ways, which is what life is all about: changing old toxic patterns to become the highest version of you possible. She has a good heart, and her mind is in the right place, but the “I should have stayed…” was an unnecessary bullying tactic she does on herself, just as we all sometimes do.
“Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the most wonderful things that will ever happen to us.”
Nicole Reed
Please be gentle with yourself. You’re doing the best you can. Being positive is about understanding your growth and perspective and understanding others. Although, because of her decision, she unknowingly had the opportunity to change many people’s lives, she enhanced my way of thinking and understanding. More importantly, she inspired me to write this article to touch more people than she ever imagined. Someone will read this at the perfect time and get so much from it, and you’re the one she left for.
I hope this helped shine a light on your situation. You are deeply loved by the universe and all you’re connected to (yes, including me).
